


Just Hold me

by carlitagt



Category: Smosh, Toaster Ghost
Genre: Caring, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 12:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8445484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carlitagt/pseuds/carlitagt
Summary: He's not the person who shows his emotions.But there would be a moment when your body knows that you have to show, and it's gonna do it by itself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So... This is my very first like Fic with this topic and wiht this couple... so... please don't jugde me. I did this before, but with another people.
> 
> So let's go in this adventure together and I hope you like it.

He was coming to her place. Not because of an invitation, not because of a party, not because of a celebration.

I wasn't even for a simple visit. 

No...

The reason why he was coming was a personal one.  
A very deep one.

His eyes were on the road, without any expression on his face. He was trying so hard to keep that face for as much time as possible. 

For him, it took forever to go there. He didn't know if that was because of the attachment that he was into 5 minutes ago, or if that was because of a several weight in his body, especially in his chest.

Maybe it was a mix of both, he thought.

For some reason, seconds in his mind were hours, and minutes to eternities.

He was inhaling and exhaling deeply in every stop. Trying to make a miracle possible.

Maybe if he would have been conscious at that moment, he would have thought that this was a stupid and ashaming idea.

But nothing.

When he thought that he would show the face, he realized that his car stopped in the building where she lives.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply one more time, with his vision always looking front, as he opened the door and getting out of there.

He got outside, and he closed the door.

Still without an expression. Just a face, that you can't tell if the person was being serious or frustrated.

He started walking to the door, and he got in, walking later through the hall.

8:29 p.m. was on the clock on the wall near the reception desk. He looked at it, stopping his step, and then moved his face to look at what was in front of him.

He started walking again straight.

Some people were walking in the same way. Others in the opposite way.

All of them for doing other things. Some were walking to their own apartments.  
Others to go outside and go to a party...  
Or to work  
Or to a date.  
Others for traveling.  
Others... just to see the night.

All of them saw him walking slowly, like if he had a huge box full of rocks in his back, and that was not allowing him to walk fast.

He didn't see any of them. He felt all the walking process to the elevator like if that was in slow motion. He only felt his feet moving, and his heart trying to explode, and let all the weight go.

In the elevator, he looked at one of the mirrors that were on the walls.

He just sighted.

When he got to the floor where her place was, he started walking again in slow motion again. This time, he didn't see other people, and other people didn't see him.

Time was running out.

Every step for him, since he got out the job until that moment was like... controlled by some weird person, like a marionette. He was walking, but his mind wasn't there the whole time.

He felt his feet stop in front of a door, and his hand knocking it 3 times, for giving up later and putting it down.

It took 10 seconds for her to open the door. She was confused when he knocked the door and was even more confused when she found out that was him. He didn't text her that he was coming over to her place.

That wasn't like him.

And now that she was seeing him, his face slightly changing, his arms giving up from any movement, and apparently his legs wanted to do the same, she got worried.

\- Ian? - she said after she examined him, Her voice sounded really worried.

No response.

\- Ian? - she asked again, waiting for at least a "Hi"

Nothing again. But his face was changing.  
There was an expression, that you could tell clearly, that he wasn't ok.

\- Ian, what's wrong? Are you ok?

He started to show his face. Sad lips, eyes started to being brilliant like crystals, hands starting to shake a little.

His mouth started to open. He inhaled one more time.

\- Ian...  
\- Hold me. - his voice finally was heard. A broken, sad, frustrated and low voice, that ended up in a sight.

She didn't react. She started to get shocked by the voice.

\- Ian  
\- Hold me - he said again, this time his voice raised a little bit, starting to cracking up, while a single tear was slowly going down.

She tried to move, but her body didn't do anything. She was seeing his boyfriend breaking apart in front of her, and she wasn't reacting.

When his face was practically screaming for help, she wanted to say the phrase again.

\- Ian-  
\- Just Hold Me! - was the only thing he could tell, before coming to her, crying.

She reacted. She held him.

When both bodies were together, he started to cry louder. She managed to make both of them getting into the house, and closing the door behind her with her feet.

After that, she just focused in gently caress his back, and make his face bury into her shoulder.

Ian did it, his body shaking, tears coming out from his face, making that part of her Shirt wet, his mouth making sounds that made sure that he was showing everything that was in his mind after all the day.

Crying.  
And a lot of sobs.

She continued caressing his back, while she was telling him that everything would be ok, even when she didn't know what was happening in his mind.

She even had teary eyes while saying that, because she never saw to his boyfriend in such a frustrated and sad state, to the point that he couldn't hold it by himself and had to ask help.

She managed to start walking slowly with him, with short and slow steps, until both were in the couch, where she made him sit, with his face still in her shoulder.

He kept holding her tight, and his senses were coming back to normal with the pass of the time, with every caress that he was receiving from his loved one.

Ian finally could realize that they were now lying on the couch, and she was now caressing his hair carefully, meanwhile, she was telling him that everything would be ok.

He started to stop sobbing a little, and started to getting quieter.

He realized also that they were in that position for almost 10 minutes.

\- Pam... - he finally says in an almost whimpering voice, after stop sobbing completely.

Pamela just shushed him.

\- Calm... calm... - she was telling him - it'll get better. I'm here.

He was feeling safe in her embrace, at the simple fact that he was with her. For some reason, he was feeling secure, because someone else also knew about this momentary meltdown and maybe that person could help.

But that the same time, he was feeling stupid. Is not of him that he cries just for a stressful day, starting for getting late to work, then getting all the things bad the whole day, almost having a severe discussion with a workmate and finally losing everything that he got in his computer for the day.

He doesn't like to show everyone that he had a bad day, even to himself. He knows that is not the end of the world, and he can reconstruct everything later.

But that day, his mind wasn't working anymore with his body. His body acted itself and started to make all the steps, since saying goodbye to everyone in the office, to getting into her place.

Is one of those moments when your body (and your inconsistent most of the time) knows that you need help. And do it by themselves.

He knew that he felt stupid because he could do it all over again. But at the same time, it felt good for him to know that at least the breakdown was in front of someone that he matters, loves and cares, and knows that she matters, cares and loves as much as he does.

There was a time when they both were just lying there in silence. Pamela felt that his heart wasn't good at all, and wanted to know what happened, but her voice wasn't there at the time.

It took her another 5 minutes of hands caressing the hair and back slowly, after a deep respiration.

\- Wanna talk about it?

Ian shook his face, denying it. He wanted to talk about that, but it would embarrass himself. Not because of Pam, she wouldn't laugh at it. Is because of him, because he didn't like his actions. 

Also, he was feeling off enough to even talk.

\- Ok. - she said - I think that is better than you stay here, at least for the night. Maybe you need company, and I'm gonna be here for you. Wherever it is the things that are in your head, I'm not gonna let you go. Not now.

He nodded.

It was Friday in the night, so it wasn't a big deal if he stays there or not. He made sure that Daisy would have enough food for the rest of the day, so everything was ok for the day.

She let him stay the night in her room, take dinner with her in the bed while both were watching some series in the T.V, and let him sleep in her bed with her, while she caresses her hair softly again.

In all that process, he didn't talk. But it was enough for them. With just looks, frowns and fingers pointing to things, both could communicate to each other perfectly.

Pamela didn't know what happened to him until the next morning when they were taking breakfast together, and when he finally could talk.

\- Hey, don't be ashamed about it - she told him when he showed that face of shame - everyone has those days when you feel really low and you want nothing but being with someone that can hug you and tells you that you're ok. And is not even your conscience, is your own body that is telling you "You have to stop and do it"  
\- I try my best to not care about it, that is... not that important.  
\- I know Ian I know... but sometimes is important to let it be sometimes, and care about it, even if you think that is dumb.

"She was right" he thought.

\- And I'm happy that your body chose me for being your support last night... It made me feel really good to help you. - she said with a chuckle.

And he smiled again, meanwhile she started to take his hand with her's and caressing it.

Finally, he could talk again in a very softly way, with the purest sentence that both heard in the day.

\- Thank you. - he said after a deep sight.  
\- For what?

He kept the silence. And she knew the reason.

\- You're welcome. - She responded.


End file.
